


I'm Sorry Saeran

by Elvendara



Series: Yooran Extras [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Doubt, M/M, Mystic Messenger - Freeform, Yooran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17556512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvendara/pseuds/Elvendara





	I'm Sorry Saeran

“I’m sorry Saeran. I know I’m not the kind of boyfriend you want or deserve.” Yoosung stammered.

“Why would you say that?” Saeran asked confused, eyebrows furrowed. He set his controller down beside him and knelt next to his boyfriend.

Yoosung hung his head, embarrassed by the conversation, shame riddling his veins. His feeling for Saeran were real, but something wasn’t quite right with their relationship. He’d come to terms with the fact that his future might not turn out the way he had always assumed it would. Had let go of his desire to find a girlfriend, fall in love, get married, have children, and live happily ever after. Saeran wasn’t exactly who he’d pictured ending up with.

However, he couldn’t be upset by the turn of events. He cared about Saeran, had even come to love him. At first, he’d wanted to support Saeyoung and help him heal his brother. There was some guilt. Rika had hurt Saeran beyond anything Yoosung could have ever believed was possible. Though it had had nothing to do with him, he couldn’t help but feel some responsibility. He’d been extra nice to Saeran, before he knew it, it was no effort at all.

The closer he became to Saeran, the more he wanted to make him happy, to help him find something to live for. He’d never imagined he would be part of that future. Still, that first kiss had taken him by surprise. Looking back, all the signs had been there. How he found it harder to breath when he was in the same room as Saeran. How his heart raced when he looked at him with those magnificent mint green eyes. Not to mention Saeyoung always teasing him about Saeran’s crush. He should have taken it seriously, but he’d assumed it was only Saeyoung being Saeyoung and trying to make fun of him.

His first instinct had been to pull away from that kiss, but it had felt so soft, so pure, so perfect. The shiver down his body had confused him with how pleasant it was. Instead of stopping the kiss, his body had moved towards Saeran, grabbing his arm to try and steady himself. He had been embarrassed and unsure, but Saeran made things easier.

It had been his first romantic kiss, which muddled his mind even more. They’d spent hours after the party talking about their feelings and a possible relationship. Saeran had been adamant that they could take things slowly, as slowly as Yoosung needed. After several dates, Yoosung had been comfortable enough to attempt a second kiss. It had been a roaring success in his opinion. His blush had seemed to last far longer than was warranted. Thankfully, Saeran had never teased him about it.

His feelings grew day after day, but he still felt as if it was too slow. Something was still missing. Their relationship was stalled, and he knew it was his fault.

“Are you ashamed of me?” Saeran asked, eyes crestfallen and glistening with barely contained tears.

“Of course not!” Yoosung was horrified by the question and the pained look in Saeran’s eyes.

He took hold of Saeran’s hands and held them close. They faced each other, each sitting back on their heels on the floor.

“I know I still get moody sometimes, and I push you away when I get anxious. But I’m working really hard on getting better.” Saeran stammered, tears filling his eyes.

“That isn’t it Saeran. It isn’t anything you’ve done. It’s me. I just don’t understand my feelings. If…well…if you were a girl I would know how to proceed. It would be simpler. Marriage, family…being…intimate…” his cheeks burned at the thought.

“I’m not sure how to move our relationship forward. I don’t know what the next step is. I feel blind. And as for, intimacy, I have no idea how to…” he shrugged, not letting go of Saeran. He was even more embarrassed, stumbling over his tongue, unsure how to articulate what he was feeling. “What are the mechanics? How does it work? It still scares me a little. I’m sorry Saeran, I wish I could be more confident about where we’re going. Before you, I’d never even considered dating a man. It’s still all new to me and I feel like you deserve to be with someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved, without all these doubts.” Yoosung swallowed, his breath catching in his throat.

“Yoosung.” Saeran countered softly and lovingly, “You aren’t the only reason we’re taking it so slow. This is all new to me too. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I never even considered it. I’m not sure about our future either. I’m just as lost as you are when it comes to moving forward. And as far as being intimate in concerned, we can figure that out together. I’m not in any hurry to move further. All I know is that I need you.” He smiled through his tears and broke free of Yoosung’s grip to cup his chin in his hand.

Yoosung still looked sad and it made Saeran anxious. His heart tightened behind his ribcage, the fear of losing Yoosung making his mind spin. He didn’t want to think about Yoosung breaking up with him, he was sure he might not survive the loss. But he didn’t want to pressure Yoosung into something he was not ready for.

“I’m sorry Saeran. I’m just so confused.”

“I understand. If you need time, just ask.” Saeran gulped.

Yoosung’s amethyst eyes gazed into Saeran’s mint green eyes and was once more left in wonder at Saeran’s understanding. It left Yoosung feeling breathless. He wanted to hold the man close, enclose him in his arms and protect him from the entire world, including himself. He berated himself for this feeling of doubt, how could he ever doubt his feelings about the red-head? He knew this hurdle was self-imposed and he wanted desperately to be the man Saeran needed and deserved.

“I’m so sorr…” he began, his head already shaking but Saeran put his finger over Yoosung’s lips.

“Stop! You have nothing to apologize for. What you feel is valid, and so are your doubts. I want you to be honest with me always. I want you to be comfortable in this relationship, if you aren’t, then we need to talk about why. If you need time to make sense of your feelings, that’s ok.” Saeran tried to smile, but it was strained. “And I think you’re a fantastic boyfriend.” He finished with a soft laugh, his hands dropping back onto Yoosung’s on his lap.

“Saeran.” Yoosung reached up to stroke his cheek, “I hate asking you to continue to be patient with me. I don’t deserve you.”

“You have that all wrong, but I won’t argue with you. You deserve everything I have to give, and more. I will wait for you, you’re more than worth the wait.” He leaned forward and pressing his lips against Yoosung’s. The salty taste of his tears mingled with Yoosung’s own. The blonde was very receptive and deepened the kiss, reaching behind Saeran’s head to pull him closer. Yoosung’s lips were soft and welcoming, like coming home. He pulled away and asked, “Any doubts about that?”

“None.” Yoosung answered immediately. He grabbed Saeran by the front of his shirt and pulled him closer, leaning back as they dropped to the floor together. The kiss developed into something more sensual and their bodies intertwined. Yoosung’s arms wrapped around Saeran’s back and clutched him desperately.

As the kiss ended, Saeran stared at Yoosung’s lovely face, trying to read his thoughts.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Yoosung grinned. There was nothing missing in their relationship, that void he’d been feeling was his own resistance. His own inability to give himself completely to this man. His unflagging attachment to the future he’d assumed he would have. That dream floated away, his heart opened, and his future was clearer than it had ever been.


End file.
